"Oh, okay," Sam said, "I'll go around one more time, and then I'll see if I have any lost children". Sam strode off once more towards the Women's Apparel department, hopeless that this store would cut him a break so he could go home and rest his feet.
His frustration turned to anger. There will be a fight, he thought to himself, oh yes, a fight indeed. Sam and his girlfriend usually fought about once a week, so the timing seemed about right. Last week, Sam's girlfriend yelled at him for positioning the forks the wrong way in the dishwasher, so that when she reached down to pick them up, she impaled herself on the erect silverware. Most of their fights didn't last than a few hours, but Sam was steamed enough to know that he'd be sleeping on the couch tonight. He'd most likely blow up and make a big scene with shoppers looking at him like he's some kind of animal.
'That's it', he thought, 'I'm gonna wait in the car.' Unfortunately, Sam realized that his girlfriend also had the car keys. His blood boiled, red in the face with anger as he marched up and down the isles. He knew of one other place that she could be, the Gardening Department, and if she wasn't there, Sam would make her life a living hell. He'd stick all the forks and knives on end in the dishwasher, superglue the toilet seat open, invite all his friends over to watch obscure sporting events on TV, and so on. Sam's head was filled with malice when he saw her sitting comfortably with her arms above her head, fingers laced together.
Sheila sat on a reclining lawn chair, people-watching until Sam came strolling by, red with anger. She sighed. This happens every time, she thought, and Sam never listened to her when he was reading those silly joke books. She had told him to meet her in the Garden section when he was done shopping, but Sam just waived his hand and said, "Okay, honey". Fortunately she had a secret weapon that would defuse the situation.
"Where the hell were you!" shouted Sam
"Oh, I was walking around, and I found this cool book for you. Here you go." Sheila handed the book to Sam, gave him a peck on the cheek, and walked away towards the checkout area. Sam starred silently in space, dumbfounded by the nonchalant character of his girlfriend. Suddenly, the anger melted off of him as though nothing was wrong. He followed behind his girlfriend and cracked open Stupid Jokes from the Midwest . As they waited together in the checkout line, Sam read Sheila one of his favorite jokes.
A papa mole, mamma mole and baby mole live inside a hole outside a farmhouse in the country.
One day, papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm...I smell bacon."
The mamma mole poked her head out and said, "Mmmm...I smell pancakes."
The baby mole tried to poke his head out, but couldn't get past the two bigger moles.
Giving up, the baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses!"